"you don't have to swing so hard"

Recently, I followed a sudden urge to buy this fantasy novel from my reading list and I'm so glad I did!

I was hooked from day 1, going wayyy past my bedtime and taking the book along with me any chance I got (if my sleep-deprived morning standup updates at work weren't a tell, then definitely my touch-deprived lover who wasn't pleased that I was cuddling the book instead of her!)

Still, there's the original mystery: where from that urge to get the book in the first place? Many moments stuck with me for their epic scale (the brutal war between the few Takayubi warriors and the Ranganese forces), and emotional weight (Misaki vs Takeru, their son's honorable death, the aftermath of the war), but the part that struck me the most was tucked away in the build-up to the climactic war scene in arc 2, where Misaki was helping instruct Mamoru after his terrible flop facing his father at the dojo.

"So, how do I fix it?" [...]

"The first thing you need to do is relax your shoulders and stop gripping your sword so tight."

"Right." Mamoru let out a breath. "I'll try."

"Then you have to keep your body relaxed all the way through your cuts," Misaki continued. "You're trying to slice through your target, not smash it with a cudgel. You don't need to swing so hard."

"But if I don't swing hard, how will I ever cut through anything?"

"With confidence," Misaki said. "If your stroke is fast and decisive, you won't have to throw all your muscle behind it."

"A cut is the quintessential final decision—your life or your opponent's. If you don't have confidence in your choice, you won't commit to it. And if you don't commit, you will fail."

Some months ago, I burned myself out big time from balancing work, my side project, and just about everything else that comes with life, and choked down into a depressive slump. I was stuck in a loop of 'i can do more' + 'there's not enough time' and tried so hard to the point where my body was telling me to stop (RSI on my wrists)

It took a while to recover from that, and coming out I realised something intuitively that I'm only now finding words for, through Misaki's comments to her son. That it's not about swinging hard and applying brute force, but about being fast and decisive with my endeavours.

I seem to be holding things in tension when I could make snappier, more confident choices. That's a better use of my life force. I'm keen to see what this new approach looks like.